Oh, I suppose I'd better. Well here goes...............
I’m absolutely terrible in the morning! Definitely NOT a morning person.
Do you have in mind those people that whistle, sing, talk animatedly and loudly or crack jokes in the morning? I could cheerfully strangle all of them.
It is also impossible to make appointments with me for a future date at this time of day as I simply do not remember afterwards! My brain cells must be in a semi-shrivelled state after sleep I think.
I like to get up, switch the radio on, make some tea and eat something light, then coffee and then I can get in the shower without risking pulling the shower curtain down because I've lost my balance and fallen down, or have slipped on the soap because my eyes weren't wide enough open to see it! And that’s not all. I think my shower curtain has declared war on me. I also think it’s widespread and that a guide needs to be written for people out there in a similar position – now this could be you so pay attention if you please!
1) In order to avoid your shower curtain wrapping itself around you, it would help if the windows were closed.
2) The more powerful your shower jet is, the more artificial breeze is created, the more likelihood there is of your shower curtain wrapping itself around you.
3) If it just so happens to be a hot day and you have your windows closed you may experience the need to have a second shower after the first as hot days tend to make people sweaty.
So the right combination seems to be, have your windows closed and the shower hose working at just a trickle, preferably with cold water. In this way you may well be able to avoid :
a) getting sticky and needing a second shower
b) the shower curtain wrapping itself around you.
Of course, you may not feel very clean after such a shower and there may still be residues of soap attached to your body but hey, whoever said we lived in a perfect world?
Anyway, to get back to my daily ritual, once I emerge the victor following the "battle of shower curtain" I begin to become human by degrees. It's a bit like the beaming up process from Star Trek! Particle by particle I become a person! Once this happens I am capable of complicated manouevres such as remembering to remove my lunch for work from the fridge and put it in a bag to take with me! I even manage to say good morning when I get on the bus to the driver (which is more than most early commuters seem to be capable of doing believe me!) and by the time I reach work I almost manage to look like a person instead of a fuzzy monster!
Not that there's anything wrong with looking like a fuzzy monster. In fact, these days
it seems to be quite fashionable. Can I 'ave som'o'dat Rastafarian fuzzy 'air please?
Students do seem to love that look here and it must work because they always seem to
have tons of friends wherever they go. It seems impossible to find a Rastafarian hairstyle
sporting volonteer alone. In fact, the only place I have ever seen a person with dreadlocks
alone was at the hairdressing salon I go to for people with African hair. But then that makes
sense because when they first go for dreadlocks they don't have them and therefore have
not yet acquired an entourage. They only get the followers post-dreadlock!!
So the moral of the story today is; if you're a lonely or unpopular student, don't worry about
it. Just go get some dreadlocks!
And for those of you with showering dilemmas I have been told on good authority
(by a fisherman no less, and he should know) that the secret to shower curtains is to
buy weights for fishing rods (which are by the way made of lead) and sew them in the
hems of your shower curtains. That way they are so heavy they might just pull down
the whole support structure and the shower curtains and rails will come crashing down
on you before you get a chance to rinse the soap off, but then you can always look on
the bright side: if you are lucky and have sturdy shower rails (are these even manufactured
anywhere?), I am told the weights actually work! (Just a little suggestion you might
want to consider!)
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