Well you know about cars. I covered that last time. Now you get to hear about buses. Now it's quite possible that you might think I'm mad but honestly, I believe there's a conspiracy going on between public transport and Apple, particularly Ipod. Now why would I make a wild claim like that? I hear you ask. Well in my eyes it's simple. You have to see it this way.
Supposing you finish at your job on the hour and your bus comes at 6 minutes past. You know it will take you approximately 4 minutes to get out of the building and get to the bus stop which gives you just 2 minutes to spare. Now if by any chance that bus is early you'll miss it which means you have another 22 minutes to wait until the next one is due. Who wants to go there? NOBODY. And then let's not forget all the times the bus is late. It can turn up as many as 15 minutes after it should. Now when that happens I ask myself, is this a conspiracy? Supposing the bus that was supposed to be on time is running late? What's to stop the driver phoning the depot and saying, "hey I'm running late here, if you can contact Larry and get him to run late too we can actually pretend we're giving a service of three buses per hour when in reality we'll only be two because you can tell Mark to take the day off! " Now you might think this is far-fetched and that I'm paranoid but I can assure you that I have been standing in the main bus station and by the way, that's that flashy place with overhead protection against the rain and a huge billboard with all the due buses and the times that flash up in fancy neon lights. So what would you say if I told you that more than once I've been standing there thinking, "wow, I'm just in time, there's a bus in 3 minutes! Aren't I lucky!" and what happens then? Well I'll tell you. 4 minutes pass, then 5, then 6 and the bus doesn't make an appearance and surprisingly enough, when I next glance at the glamorous neon board my bus has done a disappearing act! That's right. It's just vanished from the table and it never appeared. Now this is where Ipod's come in. If you ask me people are just so bored with waiting for buses that they need a little distraction. In the days of the Walkman you might have thought twice about carrying a brick round with you because that's what it felt like, and oh how annoying to have to turn the tape around (no doubt any young things reading this never experienced that but I can assure you it wasn't a lot of fun). Now take the Ipod. It's slim, it manages to look really hip and cheerful, it weighs next to nothing, takes up no space at all and you can listen to songs on it till your ears drop off! It's also the best excuse you can ever have for "not noticing" other passengers might need a seat more than you do. It's like, "hey dude, sorry, I was wrapped up in my music, you get my drift?" The question is do Apple pay airlines, trains and buses? Let's face it, a significant number of people use their products as escape mechanisms in all these settings.
Are you starting to wonder if there's a link between the public transport industry and Apple too?
Love to hear your comments on this.....
More on public transport tomorrow but less of the theories and more about people!
Showing posts with label klutz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label klutz. Show all posts
August 04, 2010
The reason I don't drive a car right now
Did I mention what a klutz I am? There is one reason I don't drive a car right now.
Believe it or not I had 13 car accidents in 13 years. Yes, you read right. Of course out of those 13 just three and a half were my fault. Where does the half come in? I hear you ask. Well half of it was my fault and half was the other driver's fault of course!
Luckily there have been no fatalities in any of the car accidents. In fact the only person to ever suffer any type of physical damage as a result has been me. But I'm all better now!
Now two of these accidents were so ridiculous that they are even funny and decidedly clumsy.
The most interesting one happened without me even being in the car and believe it or not there was no-one in the other vehicle either!
This is what happened:
Some time ago I used to live in Spain. One night I went out to the local blues club. A band of talented mainly southern individuals from the US played Soul there. They were regular crooners, American and decidedly popular with the local female population. In short, it was a cool place to hang and the music wasn't half bad.
Having parked in a prime position, in I went and began sipping wine in company whilst relaxing to the grooves.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of the group asking people something.
He appeared to have turned white (and I know just how hard that is when your skin's naturally bronzed because mine is too!) and I was just about to ask him if he was alright when he said, "I'm looking for someone with this licence plate number." Well knock me down with a feather if that licence plate number wasn't mine!
I asked, "What's going on?" to which he replied, "you'd better come with me," complete with downcast gaze. At that point there wasn't much I could do other than follow him, so off we went.
Once outside I was puzzled to notice that my car was missing. All kinds of ideas were racing through my mind at this point. Perhaps some tough hit and run types had carried off a big stakes robbery, dumped their car and taken mine? But then no, my poor little Polo, a 7 year old model at the time could hardly give them the speed they needed, so no, that couldn't be it. I looked at Daniel, the singer in the band with an air of enquiry. "Where's my car?" I managed. "Now don't get upset," he answered.
"Take a deep breath. Are you ready?" By this time I felt like a contestant preparing to answer the last question on a game show. "Just tell me what happened," I said trying not to scream the question as oppose to asking it. Instead of speaking he put his arm round me (bless him), walked forward right to the edge of the car-park and pointed over the cliff. Did I mention that the car-park was built on a bluff? In Spain they call it a Barranco. I looked over the edge and about half a mile down I saw something that resembled a scrap yard remnant. It was white, frail looking and bent out of all recognition on one side. One of the wheels totally shredded and buckled did its best to maintain some semblance of dignity but failed miserably. It was then that it hit me. That poor thing down there all alone was my car! I looked at Daniel, he looked at me and then we both looked at the car. There was a moment of silence. Once I had accepted that my car was a total write off I asked, "what happened?" His answer was, "well you're not going to believe this but a bus hit it." I don't think I've ever pronounced the word, "what?" so shrilly in my life. "It was a bus bringing tourists in for the show." I nodded, "I hope they weren't in the bus at the time," I managed nobly. "Well actually," he added, "no-one was in the bus." I remember thinking, 'you've got to be kidding me,' but he was so serious I couldn't say it. Instead I substituted the thought with, "what, not even the driver?" He shook his head. "Nope, not even him. The bus just took off on its own. You see it was parked directly infront of your car. Apparently there were some problems with the brakes so it just took off and the first thing it ran into was your car. Seeing that it was so light it practically nudged it over the edge and that was that."
Now tell me readers, what are the odds of that happening?
He continued, "to be honest, the driver was quite pleased about it. If your car hadn't been there the bus would have gone over instead." Now what could I say to that except, "wow, what a great consolation prize!"
So basically I can't even go out for a drink in peace. My life played the ultimate joke on me! It took away my ride home.
So there you are readers. That's the sort of thing that happens to me.
You have to admit, that's clumsy!
Believe it or not I had 13 car accidents in 13 years. Yes, you read right. Of course out of those 13 just three and a half were my fault. Where does the half come in? I hear you ask. Well half of it was my fault and half was the other driver's fault of course!
Luckily there have been no fatalities in any of the car accidents. In fact the only person to ever suffer any type of physical damage as a result has been me. But I'm all better now!
Now two of these accidents were so ridiculous that they are even funny and decidedly clumsy.
The most interesting one happened without me even being in the car and believe it or not there was no-one in the other vehicle either!
This is what happened:
Some time ago I used to live in Spain. One night I went out to the local blues club. A band of talented mainly southern individuals from the US played Soul there. They were regular crooners, American and decidedly popular with the local female population. In short, it was a cool place to hang and the music wasn't half bad.
Having parked in a prime position, in I went and began sipping wine in company whilst relaxing to the grooves.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye I noticed one of the group asking people something.
He appeared to have turned white (and I know just how hard that is when your skin's naturally bronzed because mine is too!) and I was just about to ask him if he was alright when he said, "I'm looking for someone with this licence plate number." Well knock me down with a feather if that licence plate number wasn't mine!
I asked, "What's going on?" to which he replied, "you'd better come with me," complete with downcast gaze. At that point there wasn't much I could do other than follow him, so off we went.
Once outside I was puzzled to notice that my car was missing. All kinds of ideas were racing through my mind at this point. Perhaps some tough hit and run types had carried off a big stakes robbery, dumped their car and taken mine? But then no, my poor little Polo, a 7 year old model at the time could hardly give them the speed they needed, so no, that couldn't be it. I looked at Daniel, the singer in the band with an air of enquiry. "Where's my car?" I managed. "Now don't get upset," he answered.
"Take a deep breath. Are you ready?" By this time I felt like a contestant preparing to answer the last question on a game show. "Just tell me what happened," I said trying not to scream the question as oppose to asking it. Instead of speaking he put his arm round me (bless him), walked forward right to the edge of the car-park and pointed over the cliff. Did I mention that the car-park was built on a bluff? In Spain they call it a Barranco. I looked over the edge and about half a mile down I saw something that resembled a scrap yard remnant. It was white, frail looking and bent out of all recognition on one side. One of the wheels totally shredded and buckled did its best to maintain some semblance of dignity but failed miserably. It was then that it hit me. That poor thing down there all alone was my car! I looked at Daniel, he looked at me and then we both looked at the car. There was a moment of silence. Once I had accepted that my car was a total write off I asked, "what happened?" His answer was, "well you're not going to believe this but a bus hit it." I don't think I've ever pronounced the word, "what?" so shrilly in my life. "It was a bus bringing tourists in for the show." I nodded, "I hope they weren't in the bus at the time," I managed nobly. "Well actually," he added, "no-one was in the bus." I remember thinking, 'you've got to be kidding me,' but he was so serious I couldn't say it. Instead I substituted the thought with, "what, not even the driver?" He shook his head. "Nope, not even him. The bus just took off on its own. You see it was parked directly infront of your car. Apparently there were some problems with the brakes so it just took off and the first thing it ran into was your car. Seeing that it was so light it practically nudged it over the edge and that was that."
Now tell me readers, what are the odds of that happening?
He continued, "to be honest, the driver was quite pleased about it. If your car hadn't been there the bus would have gone over instead." Now what could I say to that except, "wow, what a great consolation prize!"
So basically I can't even go out for a drink in peace. My life played the ultimate joke on me! It took away my ride home.
So there you are readers. That's the sort of thing that happens to me.
You have to admit, that's clumsy!
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